The week started rough with a Monday morning run that left me in tears. I struggled every single step of those 10 miles, talking myself out of training. I decided I would be happy “taking it easy” for the rest of the year and giving up the 100 mile goal. I limped home, showered, napped and put the idea of running on the back shelf for 24 hours. After coaxing myself through a miserable run for the umpteenth time I decided on a cocktail prescription of rest, relaxation and finding the pleasure of putting one foot in front of the other. Speedwork has never been enjoyable for me. It did not fit in my new plan. I did, however, have to accompany Eric to the track on Tuesday evening, consciously slipping on some flip flops just as my brother texted that he would be joining us. I don’t get to run with my brothers very often, and I really appreciate the time with them so I grabbed my running shoes, just in case.. After a warm-up jog of 800 - we were hanging on the track chatting when Ben said - GO - and Eric put a friendly wager of beer down for the winner of the workout. That was a perfect pill for my running woes. I needed to make running a “game” in order to switch my mental focus. And while I lost 4 tasty brews that evening, I got my swagger back, sailing through the rest of the week with comfort, polishing it off with a solid 3.5 hour Sunday morning run. I am happy with this progress and thankful to my brother & Big River for helping me shake off the dust, unlock the mind and shift the focus from struggle and stress to fun, fun, fun…. I plan on keeping that in my rear-view mirror for these next two weeks to see where it takes me.
Miles run 63 + 3 hours of yoga
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Short and Sour
Yesterday, just as I sat down to write this post, a quick storm pushed through the area with stong winds ripping down power lines in our backyard and taking out our power for 24 hours. I put my computer away, called the power company and spent the afternoon cleaning up the debris. Today, as I am short on writing time, I will keep this brief. Last week I ran only 4 days. It's still very hard, and I am not enjoying myself - save the one 8 mile run I had with Conrad. I'm struggling everyday and getting more and more frustrated with each passing mile. Running for me, outside of pushing myself in races & speed sessions, has been a respite from struggle, my peace of mind. I don't want to dwell or complain about my current lack of fitness though - so until next week.
Miles Run 34 + 3 hours yoga
Miles Run 34 + 3 hours yoga
Monday, May 16, 2011
This Week is My Week
The truth is I have been saying this for 6 weeks now. After a generally disappointing running week and a struggling Sunday long run I mope around and placate myself with the sentiment: Tomorrow you will start the week off right, run everyday, feel good, and truly progress. That has yet to materialize. I’ve had maybe 4 good runs in 2011, and while I do feel physically recovered from the surgery - I still am lacking in energy and drive. I am having lots of issues with my HRT, memory issues, sleep issues, hot flashes and exhaustion to name a few. Most days I wake up and feel as if I have a mild flu. And it’s one of the first times in my life I have not been able to MIND OVER MATTER the exhaustion. I’m certain it won’t last forever, but I am losing patience with the process and just want to feel “normal” once again. It’s like playing the lottery everyday that I slip my running shoes on - not knowing if I will make the run at all, much less without having to walk a portion of it. Last Tuesday was the first time in months I have given speed a try, and I did mildly better than I anticipated. I was able to maintain a 10K race pace of 6:40 a mile for 8 laps around the track. It did lift my spirits some but the struggle continues. Right now I’m in the weeds and can’t imagine running 100 miles in 3.5 months. I just have to trust that the years of miles on my legs and my stubborn spirit will start to come in handy as the weeks progress.
Miles run: 30(ish), 0 miles biking (waiting for clearance to ride a bike), 2 hours of yoga, 0 miles swimming - ahhh...
Miles run: 30(ish), 0 miles biking (waiting for clearance to ride a bike), 2 hours of yoga, 0 miles swimming - ahhh...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Surgery, Recovery & Relentless Forward Motion....
The blog died out 2 months before the 50 mile race - which is a shame. Things got busy, and I just didn’t have time to journal and edit. I DID the 50 mile run on November 19, 2010. It was a transformative experience. I loved it - loved it so much I have committed to running double the distance at the end of August in South Dakota. I’m hoping to journal this experience, this time keeping up - even if life bears down uncontrollably hard. I have snippets of writing here and there leading up to the big 50 mile occasion, and I will do my best to form it into some sort of coherent essay. In the meantime what has been going on with me?
Well - I had my cancer eradicating surgery on December 17, 2010 and was expecting a swift and relatively painless recovery. That did NOT happen. I had several setbacks, major amounts of exhaustion, and a good deal of pain for many weeks. At 8 weeks out I finally felt comfortable enough to try a run. It sucked big time, but I kept moving. 1 week later I ran a half marathon in Ft. Worth. It was my slowest time ever, @ 2hours even I came in - 25 minutes slower than my last half 6 months prior - but I was ecstatic to cross the line and realize that I had a fighting chance to get back to fitness.
My first true long run in 2011 happened just over a month ago at the Go St. Louis Marathon with my brothers - my first real steps back to running form:
Games were a big deal in my house growing up - card games, board games, atari and nintendo games were essential pieces of our childhood life, but nothing took up more space in our world than the physical games we played - both on our sport teams and in our own house. We had pick up basketball games & wiffle ball in the backyard and our own version of indoor soccer in our living and dining room (Thanks Mom!). No one was a bigger participant in this game playing than my Pops, whose excessive creativity spilled over into all things games. He would make up intricate and involved games for us and willingly participate in the fun. I grew up in an extremely physical house, in a flurry of constant activity. I love sports - I love games - I spent most of my young life playing team sports, having a group around me to consistently push me to the next level and make me work hard even when I just wanted to be lazy. The comradarie of sports is something I miss. As a long distance runner it’s you and the pavement, a totally different kind of intensity. So having the chance to run with both of my brothers - it felt like old times - playing games, gathering strength from one another, and despite the heat and the hills, having some serious fun! Although the marathon was thrown a weather curveball for the 2nd year in a row I was still smiling from ear to ear as I realized for the first time since December, that I really am capable of the long run again! Families really do ROC.
Since that Sunday I have struggled with my running, trying very hard to take it easy, build on what I am starting, and gain a tiny bit of my speed back each week. It’s not easy, it’s not even very fun, but I realize I have to be patient - start slowly - and trust in the training. It's in me - it's there rattling around somewhere, and I'm not giving up on it just yet!
Well - I had my cancer eradicating surgery on December 17, 2010 and was expecting a swift and relatively painless recovery. That did NOT happen. I had several setbacks, major amounts of exhaustion, and a good deal of pain for many weeks. At 8 weeks out I finally felt comfortable enough to try a run. It sucked big time, but I kept moving. 1 week later I ran a half marathon in Ft. Worth. It was my slowest time ever, @ 2hours even I came in - 25 minutes slower than my last half 6 months prior - but I was ecstatic to cross the line and realize that I had a fighting chance to get back to fitness.
My first true long run in 2011 happened just over a month ago at the Go St. Louis Marathon with my brothers - my first real steps back to running form:
Games were a big deal in my house growing up - card games, board games, atari and nintendo games were essential pieces of our childhood life, but nothing took up more space in our world than the physical games we played - both on our sport teams and in our own house. We had pick up basketball games & wiffle ball in the backyard and our own version of indoor soccer in our living and dining room (Thanks Mom!). No one was a bigger participant in this game playing than my Pops, whose excessive creativity spilled over into all things games. He would make up intricate and involved games for us and willingly participate in the fun. I grew up in an extremely physical house, in a flurry of constant activity. I love sports - I love games - I spent most of my young life playing team sports, having a group around me to consistently push me to the next level and make me work hard even when I just wanted to be lazy. The comradarie of sports is something I miss. As a long distance runner it’s you and the pavement, a totally different kind of intensity. So having the chance to run with both of my brothers - it felt like old times - playing games, gathering strength from one another, and despite the heat and the hills, having some serious fun! Although the marathon was thrown a weather curveball for the 2nd year in a row I was still smiling from ear to ear as I realized for the first time since December, that I really am capable of the long run again! Families really do ROC.
Since that Sunday I have struggled with my running, trying very hard to take it easy, build on what I am starting, and gain a tiny bit of my speed back each week. It’s not easy, it’s not even very fun, but I realize I have to be patient - start slowly - and trust in the training. It's in me - it's there rattling around somewhere, and I'm not giving up on it just yet!
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