Finding Strength in Weakness

35 miles - not even halfway to 100 - and the distance nearly finished me off yesterday. We were starting later than I would’ve liked, due to my inability to get out of bed when the alarm went off. I stood up, looked out the window, looked at Conrad and said,” I can’t move. I’ve got to go back to bed for an hour.” So I promptly did. Upon my next wake up, 7:45 am, I did manage to get myself out of bed and downstairs for a cup of morning joe to try and pry my eyes open. Unfortunately, my stomach was feeling a bit unsettled, and the coffee just kick-started a terrible, rumbly gut. Ignoring the discomfort, I only have 8 weeks left to get these long miles in after all, I traipsed upstairs, dressed myself in the lightest, loosest fitting running gear I could find and talked myself into feeling “great”. We packed our fuel belts full of gummy bears, pretzels, mints, granola bars & tylenol, filled our water bottles and moved out the front door.

It was warm. It was humid, but it wasn’t too sunny yet. I felt ok at the get go, but then my fuel belt kept hitting my stomach, right where it was cramping the worst, and I couldn’t get into a rhythm. I think I spent the first 7 miles fiddling with the belt, moving it up, moving it down, tightening it, loosening it, just trying to feel better. Of course, it wasn’t really the belt that was the problem. It was my ever growing stomach ache. Conrad woke up and felt great, and as the run progressed, he continued to feel better and better. While it’s wonderful to have someone at your side for these long excursions, and it’s also wonderful to have someone help you along when you feel awful, it’s difficult to feel like you are being an anchor. I haven’t seen Conrad feel this sprightly on a long run for quite a while - and it doubled my frustration at my own weakness.

Once we got through downtown and onto the MRT trail, I was in pretty bad shape. About an hour and a half or so into the run - I had to stop, go off the trail and try to clear out my belly. I squatted right into a hive of bees - not my day. Upon returning to the trail I did feel a bit better and tried to fuel myself with some gum drops. We made it almost another hour before I really started to fail. All my systems were just shutting down. I was dehydrated from the heat, humidity and stomach issues - and my legs were just wiped out. To add to this, our turnaround point on the trail is this little park, complete with a water fountain for us to fill our water bottles. When we got to the park, however, there was NO WATER. That meant another hour, at least, until the next working water fountain. It was really more of a mental blow than anything. I tried my best not to tear up as I was already dehydrated, feeling quite sick & now we were almost 20 miles away from home. There was nothing to do but turn around and get there.

My spirits sank further and further - but Conrad did his best to keep the mood light. I again had to leave the trail to empty out my stomach, and this time I managed to find a place free of bees, but full of chiggers - not my day. Once we got moving again, I would have to take long walking episodes. I felt terribly for Conrad, who was joyful despite this agonizingly slow pace. At 4 hours we hit a water fountain, and we were both so thirsty that we drank 20oz on the spot, and then filled our bottles back up again for another 20oz. We realized that the water was a grey/green - but we really had no choice, as the thermometer was tipping close to 90 and the sun was in full blaze by that point. The rest of the run was a blur of frustration, pain, exhaustion and doubt. Even 1 mile from home I wasn’t sure if I would make it without having to stop for a long rest. Yet throughout this whole struggle - I was thankful to have the experience. I learned more about my drive, my determination, my physical strength in the face of adversity - as well as a few practical matters for 100 mile heat training, like taking the sunscreen with you and re-applying every hour so as to avoid the burn Conrad & I are sporting today.

I’m not sore. I am tired, but I do feel recovered and ready to run tomorrow. Hopefully this upcoming weekend’s run, we’ll be adding 6-8 miles to the distance, will fare much better - and I’ll be healthy from the start. I can say with authority that this run is the hardest run I have ever had, by far the worst run I’ve ever been on - and still I can’t wait to tackle the long run again next weekend. Some people might think that’s crazy, but I liken it to progress - relentless forward motion. It’s all going up from here!

Miles Run: 55 +1hour biking +2hours yoga

That's why they call it "The Wall"

Week of Jun 6-12
Last week was my 2nd successful week of running in 2011. Going into a marathon normally, I’ve built up a good base, worked though some serious speed work, upped the ante on my endurance training with 8-12 weeks of 70+ miles and had a 2 fairly quiet weeks leading up the event. Saturday’s marathon was an anomaly in my distance “racing” (term used loosely). I hadn’t been able to string together more than 2 days of successful running since surgery. I began running mid-Feb and struggled mightily. I continued on in the hopes that I would wake up one day and just feel better - but getting more and more discouraged with each failed run. Honestly, I was at the point, 3 weeks ago, where I was ready to wipe the racing calendar clean and just take running off the table for a spell. And then 2 weeks ago, I had a good run - 3 solid hours of feeling my feet hit the ground that felt not just good but great. It wasn’t speedy, but it was zen. I had no plan of action, no course pre-arranged. I just went, and as the miles kept ticking off I felt better and better. Somewhere in those moments, running down Jefferson Avenue, I committed myself back to running, to training with purpose and to reaching beyond my current limits. In this wheelhouse was the Indy Marathon Championship weekend, a race that had been booked on the calendar for months, but one I had all but given up hope of actually doing. I was concerned that I just didn’t have the miles on my legs, and that I wouldn’t actually be able to complete the distance without doing some major mental and physical damage to my body.

It was low key affair, no nerves, no butterflies, no expectations other than to cross the finish line and do my best to negative split the race. I surprised myself by feeling pretty great for 24 miles. I went out, very conservatively for the first 10 and then began trying to steadily increase my speed. I was doing a wonderful job of this. Mile 24 was a nice, comfortable 7:11 & then came the mile 25 marker: 16:44! Perhaps the slowest mile I have ever run in any sort of race. I HAVE NEVER - EVER hit the wall like that.  And honestly just 2 seconds before I was getting quite excited that I had "paced myself" appropriately and wasn't going to have any bonk miles. I was actually RUNNING, not walking at that pace. I am thankful the race was 26.2, as I’m honestly not sure I would have made another 10 steps. I did make it though and recovered quickly. For me it was a case of not fueling appropriately, being dehydrated and seriously under-trained to tackle a marathon with any sort of speed. But in this race I learned even more about my body, my mind & my limits. So I consider it a huge success and a great jumping off to my 100 mile training. Let the 40+ mile runs begin.

Mile Run: 48 + 2 hours yoga + 1 hour bike

Thinking About Goals

I didn’t post on Monday, but I did have another successful, albeit hot & steamy, running week. I am finally truly feeling fit - not fast, not loaded with endurance - but fit. My base is back baby! My runs are no longer fitful excursions of self doubt and frustration. They are moving back to peace. This weekend Conrad & I will be traveling to Indiana for a marathon, great research to see how much work needs to be done in order to catch the 100 mile goal I’m seeking. What is that goal? Well, there is a culture in 100 mile races surrounding the Belt Buckle. Finish your 100 mile jaunt in under a day - you get a shiny belt buckle for your effort. Sounds bizarre to anyone outside of this extreme endurance mindset - I realize - but I can’t wait to hold that piece of metal in my exhausted hands. I’d also very much like to finish in the top 3 overall. Having never run more than 50 miles, who knows if my body will support that goal. I will certainly be dedicating my mental and physical self to this pursuit in earnest for these next 11 weeks, and as the date draws closer, be able to flesh out the target. Until then I’m hoping to build on the base now established and work on the mental challenges of running without sleep.

Miles Run: 40ish (down with the stomach flu several days last week...)