The week started rough with a Monday morning run that left me in tears. I struggled every single step of those 10 miles, talking myself out of training. I decided I would be happy “taking it easy” for the rest of the year and giving up the 100 mile goal. I limped home, showered, napped and put the idea of running on the back shelf for 24 hours. After coaxing myself through a miserable run for the umpteenth time I decided on a cocktail prescription of rest, relaxation and finding the pleasure of putting one foot in front of the other. Speedwork has never been enjoyable for me. It did not fit in my new plan. I did, however, have to accompany Eric to the track on Tuesday evening, consciously slipping on some flip flops just as my brother texted that he would be joining us. I don’t get to run with my brothers very often, and I really appreciate the time with them so I grabbed my running shoes, just in case.. After a warm-up jog of 800 - we were hanging on the track chatting when Ben said - GO - and Eric put a friendly wager of beer down for the winner of the workout. That was a perfect pill for my running woes. I needed to make running a “game” in order to switch my mental focus. And while I lost 4 tasty brews that evening, I got my swagger back, sailing through the rest of the week with comfort, polishing it off with a solid 3.5 hour Sunday morning run. I am happy with this progress and thankful to my brother & Big River for helping me shake off the dust, unlock the mind and shift the focus from struggle and stress to fun, fun, fun…. I plan on keeping that in my rear-view mirror for these next two weeks to see where it takes me.
Miles run 63 + 3 hours of yoga
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Short and Sour
Yesterday, just as I sat down to write this post, a quick storm pushed through the area with stong winds ripping down power lines in our backyard and taking out our power for 24 hours. I put my computer away, called the power company and spent the afternoon cleaning up the debris. Today, as I am short on writing time, I will keep this brief. Last week I ran only 4 days. It's still very hard, and I am not enjoying myself - save the one 8 mile run I had with Conrad. I'm struggling everyday and getting more and more frustrated with each passing mile. Running for me, outside of pushing myself in races & speed sessions, has been a respite from struggle, my peace of mind. I don't want to dwell or complain about my current lack of fitness though - so until next week.
Miles Run 34 + 3 hours yoga
Miles Run 34 + 3 hours yoga
Monday, May 16, 2011
This Week is My Week
The truth is I have been saying this for 6 weeks now. After a generally disappointing running week and a struggling Sunday long run I mope around and placate myself with the sentiment: Tomorrow you will start the week off right, run everyday, feel good, and truly progress. That has yet to materialize. I’ve had maybe 4 good runs in 2011, and while I do feel physically recovered from the surgery - I still am lacking in energy and drive. I am having lots of issues with my HRT, memory issues, sleep issues, hot flashes and exhaustion to name a few. Most days I wake up and feel as if I have a mild flu. And it’s one of the first times in my life I have not been able to MIND OVER MATTER the exhaustion. I’m certain it won’t last forever, but I am losing patience with the process and just want to feel “normal” once again. It’s like playing the lottery everyday that I slip my running shoes on - not knowing if I will make the run at all, much less without having to walk a portion of it. Last Tuesday was the first time in months I have given speed a try, and I did mildly better than I anticipated. I was able to maintain a 10K race pace of 6:40 a mile for 8 laps around the track. It did lift my spirits some but the struggle continues. Right now I’m in the weeds and can’t imagine running 100 miles in 3.5 months. I just have to trust that the years of miles on my legs and my stubborn spirit will start to come in handy as the weeks progress.
Miles run: 30(ish), 0 miles biking (waiting for clearance to ride a bike), 2 hours of yoga, 0 miles swimming - ahhh...
Miles run: 30(ish), 0 miles biking (waiting for clearance to ride a bike), 2 hours of yoga, 0 miles swimming - ahhh...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Surgery, Recovery & Relentless Forward Motion....
The blog died out 2 months before the 50 mile race - which is a shame. Things got busy, and I just didn’t have time to journal and edit. I DID the 50 mile run on November 19, 2010. It was a transformative experience. I loved it - loved it so much I have committed to running double the distance at the end of August in South Dakota. I’m hoping to journal this experience, this time keeping up - even if life bears down uncontrollably hard. I have snippets of writing here and there leading up to the big 50 mile occasion, and I will do my best to form it into some sort of coherent essay. In the meantime what has been going on with me?
Well - I had my cancer eradicating surgery on December 17, 2010 and was expecting a swift and relatively painless recovery. That did NOT happen. I had several setbacks, major amounts of exhaustion, and a good deal of pain for many weeks. At 8 weeks out I finally felt comfortable enough to try a run. It sucked big time, but I kept moving. 1 week later I ran a half marathon in Ft. Worth. It was my slowest time ever, @ 2hours even I came in - 25 minutes slower than my last half 6 months prior - but I was ecstatic to cross the line and realize that I had a fighting chance to get back to fitness.
My first true long run in 2011 happened just over a month ago at the Go St. Louis Marathon with my brothers - my first real steps back to running form:
Games were a big deal in my house growing up - card games, board games, atari and nintendo games were essential pieces of our childhood life, but nothing took up more space in our world than the physical games we played - both on our sport teams and in our own house. We had pick up basketball games & wiffle ball in the backyard and our own version of indoor soccer in our living and dining room (Thanks Mom!). No one was a bigger participant in this game playing than my Pops, whose excessive creativity spilled over into all things games. He would make up intricate and involved games for us and willingly participate in the fun. I grew up in an extremely physical house, in a flurry of constant activity. I love sports - I love games - I spent most of my young life playing team sports, having a group around me to consistently push me to the next level and make me work hard even when I just wanted to be lazy. The comradarie of sports is something I miss. As a long distance runner it’s you and the pavement, a totally different kind of intensity. So having the chance to run with both of my brothers - it felt like old times - playing games, gathering strength from one another, and despite the heat and the hills, having some serious fun! Although the marathon was thrown a weather curveball for the 2nd year in a row I was still smiling from ear to ear as I realized for the first time since December, that I really am capable of the long run again! Families really do ROC.
Since that Sunday I have struggled with my running, trying very hard to take it easy, build on what I am starting, and gain a tiny bit of my speed back each week. It’s not easy, it’s not even very fun, but I realize I have to be patient - start slowly - and trust in the training. It's in me - it's there rattling around somewhere, and I'm not giving up on it just yet!
Well - I had my cancer eradicating surgery on December 17, 2010 and was expecting a swift and relatively painless recovery. That did NOT happen. I had several setbacks, major amounts of exhaustion, and a good deal of pain for many weeks. At 8 weeks out I finally felt comfortable enough to try a run. It sucked big time, but I kept moving. 1 week later I ran a half marathon in Ft. Worth. It was my slowest time ever, @ 2hours even I came in - 25 minutes slower than my last half 6 months prior - but I was ecstatic to cross the line and realize that I had a fighting chance to get back to fitness.
My first true long run in 2011 happened just over a month ago at the Go St. Louis Marathon with my brothers - my first real steps back to running form:
Games were a big deal in my house growing up - card games, board games, atari and nintendo games were essential pieces of our childhood life, but nothing took up more space in our world than the physical games we played - both on our sport teams and in our own house. We had pick up basketball games & wiffle ball in the backyard and our own version of indoor soccer in our living and dining room (Thanks Mom!). No one was a bigger participant in this game playing than my Pops, whose excessive creativity spilled over into all things games. He would make up intricate and involved games for us and willingly participate in the fun. I grew up in an extremely physical house, in a flurry of constant activity. I love sports - I love games - I spent most of my young life playing team sports, having a group around me to consistently push me to the next level and make me work hard even when I just wanted to be lazy. The comradarie of sports is something I miss. As a long distance runner it’s you and the pavement, a totally different kind of intensity. So having the chance to run with both of my brothers - it felt like old times - playing games, gathering strength from one another, and despite the heat and the hills, having some serious fun! Although the marathon was thrown a weather curveball for the 2nd year in a row I was still smiling from ear to ear as I realized for the first time since December, that I really am capable of the long run again! Families really do ROC.
Since that Sunday I have struggled with my running, trying very hard to take it easy, build on what I am starting, and gain a tiny bit of my speed back each week. It’s not easy, it’s not even very fun, but I realize I have to be patient - start slowly - and trust in the training. It's in me - it's there rattling around somewhere, and I'm not giving up on it just yet!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Early to Rise
I love my weekends. I love them! The sleeping in, the quiet morning, the lingering cup of joe, having my boys beside me - just relaxing and considering the possibilities…. Even with a relatively rigorous running and x-training schedule I’ve managed to keep my weekends relatively peaceful and sleep centered. This weekend, however, we set our alarms for a very early Saturday morning wake-up to watch my brother participate in a triathlon, something he particularly loves doing. It’s the first time we’ve had the chance to see him in one, and it was wonderful. The weather cooperated, the whole family came out in force, and Eric did better than he anticipated. It certainly raised my desire to finally tackle that beast (best left to another year).
The dawn waking Saturday hijinks made the idea of an early rise on Sunday entirely unappealing. I really wanted one nice long morning rest - but I knew in order to get my 22 mile run in with our current heat and humidity that I had to be out the door early. I had NO desire to run. When the alarm rang I turned it off and just laid there talking myself out of the whole affair. I honestly don’t think I would’ve climbed out of bed if it weren’t for the smell of coffee (merci Conrad!). I felt exhausted, I didn’t have the proper fuel to take with me, and I didn’t really have time for breakfast if I expected to beat the heat. So as I was pulling on my shoes I made a pact with myself that I would just get to the 2nd water fountain in the park and try again Monday morning for 22. I had no real plan to seal the deal. And I think, for me anyhow, that’s when my best runs happen. Those times when I set out with no real expectations always end up being the runs I feel like I could go on forever. I went out the door and rolled through 22 miles with relative ease. It’s a great sign that my training is paying off in giant endurance dividends, and that despite my poor choice in nutrition for the morning I’m doing a good job taking care of my fuel tank in the long term. It’s exciting to see my body respond on little sleep and a stressful week - but I also know that it’s really important to rest and let my body repair. That balance is tricky, as I feel myself getting fitter I want to push a little more, test the boundary just a tad, but I’ve got 7 weeks until Chicago and 12 until the big event of 50 miles so I’m working on my patience and my restraint.
Miles Run: 62 + 1 hour swimming +1 hour biking +1.5 hour resistance/yoga
The dawn waking Saturday hijinks made the idea of an early rise on Sunday entirely unappealing. I really wanted one nice long morning rest - but I knew in order to get my 22 mile run in with our current heat and humidity that I had to be out the door early. I had NO desire to run. When the alarm rang I turned it off and just laid there talking myself out of the whole affair. I honestly don’t think I would’ve climbed out of bed if it weren’t for the smell of coffee (merci Conrad!). I felt exhausted, I didn’t have the proper fuel to take with me, and I didn’t really have time for breakfast if I expected to beat the heat. So as I was pulling on my shoes I made a pact with myself that I would just get to the 2nd water fountain in the park and try again Monday morning for 22. I had no real plan to seal the deal. And I think, for me anyhow, that’s when my best runs happen. Those times when I set out with no real expectations always end up being the runs I feel like I could go on forever. I went out the door and rolled through 22 miles with relative ease. It’s a great sign that my training is paying off in giant endurance dividends, and that despite my poor choice in nutrition for the morning I’m doing a good job taking care of my fuel tank in the long term. It’s exciting to see my body respond on little sleep and a stressful week - but I also know that it’s really important to rest and let my body repair. That balance is tricky, as I feel myself getting fitter I want to push a little more, test the boundary just a tad, but I’ve got 7 weeks until Chicago and 12 until the big event of 50 miles so I’m working on my patience and my restraint.
Miles Run: 62 + 1 hour swimming +1 hour biking +1.5 hour resistance/yoga
Monday, August 16, 2010
Down time
It’s been one of those weeks where I just couldn’t catch up to sleep. It continually played chase with me and won. Luckily it is my down running week and oddly enough the only time I felt good was during my runs. In fact I felt great. My easy week really was easy. Things are finally coming together for me, and although I don’t think I’ll hit a PR with this Chicago Marathon, I am finally truly feeling fit and ready to go. This heat, this extended vacation time, this life…. It’s all been killer. But last week I started to feel better, things got easier - so much so that I had to shave about 30 seconds off my speedwork and base pace times. And this week the trend continued. On Wednesday, my anaerobic day, I added almost an extra mile of speedwork to the run, and my cooldown mile was @ 7:20 (not my cooldown pace…) It’s funny because my body is tired, my mind is a little weary, but once the running shoes are on I feel invincible. Hopefully this burst of running energy is a sign that I am getting fitter and maybe even that speed is starting to make an appearance. I’m not worried about my endurance, I know I’ve got that in the bag - but the fast part, well it’s been a struggle this summer. The 80’s are set to return this week and perhaps that will help me along even more.
Miles run: a delightful 50 + 1.5 hour resistance + 1 hour biking
Miles run: a delightful 50 + 1.5 hour resistance + 1 hour biking
Monday, August 9, 2010
Why oh Why?
That interrogative has been thrown at me often this week. It’s not as if all of a sudden last week I decided upon 50 miles. It’s been percolating in the brain for over a year now, and in March both Conrad and I made a commitment to ourselves and each other that we would tackle this beast of a distance, together, in 2010 @ the JFK. We read up, watched videos, talked about it with friends and family, and when the entry window opened kissed our envelopes and sent them off. I suppose because I wrote about the confirmation letter people began to believe in this thing actually happening and started asking questions. My first answer is why not… I love endurance training, I love testing the limits of the human body, I love finding out new things about my own mental, emotional and physical toughness - so 50 miles just makes sense in a way 26.2 made sense when my longest distance had been 13.1. But there’s of course more of a story to the 50 mile quest than just why not…
Tenacity and athleticism run in my family. Growing up with your Dad as a successful professional athlete can somewhat skew the curve as to what one thinks is normal in sports and life. I was a good athlete with decent speed but nothing super special. I was afraid of failing in sports so strongly that I gravitated towards theatre and academics. By the end of high school I had given up on organized sports entirely and much preferred to watch my talented brothers play their respective games in baseball and soccer. I stayed fit on my own but became nothing more than a spectator in that world. Then my younger brother graduated from college; feeling post soccer career blues he threw himself into training for a marathon. The Jorgensen domino effect began. Next went my older brother Brian, and then my parent’s began training for a half marathon….
At this point that I couldn’t keep myself out of the game any longer. If my parents, in their late 50’s at the time, could muster up the energy, the courage and the umph it took to train for and participate in an endurance event, there was no reason I couldn’t do the same. So I began, in earnest, to run. It took me a while to get the hang of it, finding the right gears for longer runs, understanding the fueling needs in endurance, but eventually I got pretty good at it, winning some races, consistently coming in the top, gaining confidence and speed with each passing month. However, I still hadn’t made the jump to 26.2. And then I was diagnosed with a genetic hiccup that gave me almost certain odds for breast and ovarian cancer. I reeled over the news. I got frustrated about knowing this handicap. Running helped calm me, center me and give me the courage and confidence to make a very hard and ultimately life saving decision.
3 days before I went in for surgery to have a double mastectomy & reconstruction, I ran my first marathon. I was sick with a fever, my brain was all nerves and exhaustion, I hit the wall harder than I could have possibly imagined at mile 17, but I finished the race, tears welling in the eyes, Conrad’s hand in mine, and I couldn’t wait to start training for my next one. That first marathon and it’s training and focus got me through one of the most overwhelming and difficult times in my life. I walked into surgery, fitter than I had ever been,determined to recover quickly so I could get back to this wonderful thing called running.
And now it’s time for another major life decision. It’s time for another major surgery in December. I can’t think of a better way to bow tie these last 6 years than to do something I’ve never before attempted - to push my mind and my body. In essence I run because I can. I run because it feels good. I run because my mom, my inspiration, smiles when she watches me. She’s proud of my perserverance, my talent, my desire to get better, be stronger, learn more. Her illness and my hiccup crashing into our lives are what brought running to me. And while I truly wish she did not have to suffer, to worry, to hurt - I do this in honor of her. In my endurance training and racing, I suffer, hurt, worry that I will not find the finish line, in the end conquering these distance goals, taking her with me every time.
Miles Run 60 +1.5 hours resistance +1 hour yoga
Tenacity and athleticism run in my family. Growing up with your Dad as a successful professional athlete can somewhat skew the curve as to what one thinks is normal in sports and life. I was a good athlete with decent speed but nothing super special. I was afraid of failing in sports so strongly that I gravitated towards theatre and academics. By the end of high school I had given up on organized sports entirely and much preferred to watch my talented brothers play their respective games in baseball and soccer. I stayed fit on my own but became nothing more than a spectator in that world. Then my younger brother graduated from college; feeling post soccer career blues he threw himself into training for a marathon. The Jorgensen domino effect began. Next went my older brother Brian, and then my parent’s began training for a half marathon….
At this point that I couldn’t keep myself out of the game any longer. If my parents, in their late 50’s at the time, could muster up the energy, the courage and the umph it took to train for and participate in an endurance event, there was no reason I couldn’t do the same. So I began, in earnest, to run. It took me a while to get the hang of it, finding the right gears for longer runs, understanding the fueling needs in endurance, but eventually I got pretty good at it, winning some races, consistently coming in the top, gaining confidence and speed with each passing month. However, I still hadn’t made the jump to 26.2. And then I was diagnosed with a genetic hiccup that gave me almost certain odds for breast and ovarian cancer. I reeled over the news. I got frustrated about knowing this handicap. Running helped calm me, center me and give me the courage and confidence to make a very hard and ultimately life saving decision.
3 days before I went in for surgery to have a double mastectomy & reconstruction, I ran my first marathon. I was sick with a fever, my brain was all nerves and exhaustion, I hit the wall harder than I could have possibly imagined at mile 17, but I finished the race, tears welling in the eyes, Conrad’s hand in mine, and I couldn’t wait to start training for my next one. That first marathon and it’s training and focus got me through one of the most overwhelming and difficult times in my life. I walked into surgery, fitter than I had ever been,determined to recover quickly so I could get back to this wonderful thing called running.
And now it’s time for another major life decision. It’s time for another major surgery in December. I can’t think of a better way to bow tie these last 6 years than to do something I’ve never before attempted - to push my mind and my body. In essence I run because I can. I run because it feels good. I run because my mom, my inspiration, smiles when she watches me. She’s proud of my perserverance, my talent, my desire to get better, be stronger, learn more. Her illness and my hiccup crashing into our lives are what brought running to me. And while I truly wish she did not have to suffer, to worry, to hurt - I do this in honor of her. In my endurance training and racing, I suffer, hurt, worry that I will not find the finish line, in the end conquering these distance goals, taking her with me every time.
Miles Run 60 +1.5 hours resistance +1 hour yoga
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